We are who we are I am borrowing those words from a lady whose story I watched on TV awhile back. Her sister and another lady had been switched at birth at the hospital where they were born and it was not discovered until 43 years later. Her words and part of her story is just more proof to what I have said and have believed always to be true.
I have heard most of my adult life that children grow up to be like their parents or the people who raised them and that the environment that they grow up in plays a large part in how they become as adults. I believe that to a certain extent but I believe that what we become as adults is mostly because We are who we are.
There are families that have good morals, are respectable and teach their children to be that way as well. They not only teach those children but they live their lives in such a way that they set a wonderful example for the children and are good role models. But in spite of all this sometimes in some families there is at least one child who is known as the “black sheep” or “bad seed” of the family. If those parents were good parents, great examples and did seemingly all the right things then why did not all the children learn and follow that example? I believe it is because We are who we are.
Learning about my ancestors has made me even more convinced that what we are is in our genes. But what has convinced me most in my beliefs in this matter is adopting and raising 5 children. Or I should say 4 since one only lived for 8 years.
All of the children were raised in the same home, by my hubby and me. When we adopted them they were all infants but one, she was 5 yrs. old. We have been married many years. My hubby was and is a wonderful provider. When the children were growing up we faithfully attended church, we are honest, loving, responsible and hardworking people who did the best that we knew how to teach the children right from wrong and set a good example for them so they could learn to be upstanding and respected citizens of their community when they grew to be adults.
Some of the children have difficult challenges they have to live with and I would be stupid to think that does not have some part in the way those children turned out to be as adults, but I also would be stupid if I said those challenges are why they are like they are because that would not be true.
In spite of the way we taught the children and the examples we set for them some of them have grown up to do things that we would never have believed that they would do. And they are very much like their birth parents in the way they live and do things. I could go into detail about differences here but I don’t think that is necessary to get my point across. Of the adopted children only one has grown up showing any resemblances and those are few to how my husband and I live. I believe that is because “We are who we are”.
My first marriage was to a man who hid and kept me from seeing my biological son from the time he was 8 years old until he was 28 years old. When I found my son and visited him he and I were both amazed about the many things he did that I do. Those things he did not learn from watching me, I was not there for him to see me do them. You may say well, he learned them from you in the first 8 years you were with him but I was not with him all that much then either because a lot of the time his dad kept him from me. I worked nights and my son went to school in the day time while I was sleeping. We were together very little. When I visited him the first time I saw too many things he did like I do to change my way of thinking.
I believe that who we are is in our genes, our blood and our DNA. Sure I believe our environment plays a part in how we are, but I believe it plays a very small part. Who we become is mostly because of who we are and not where or who we grew up with.
Some people no matter how they are taught, how good you are to them or how much you pray for them they are just not going to be what they were raised and taught to be or who one thought they would be because we are who we are and nothing can change that.
Of course I also believe that choices play a part in how we become as adults, but I believe that the choices and all other things make up a small part of what we become. And the choices we make are because of who we are.
As for as the children my hubby and I adopted I believe they are the way they are because of who gave birth to them…it is in their genes, blood and makeup of their being and what we offered them has played a very small part in who they have become. I knew most of the birth parents and I can see some of their ways in these children since they have become adults. Just more to convince me it is in the genes and we are who we are.
When the lady I spoke of in the first paragraph found her sister and saw how they were so alike in their ways and their likes and dislikes they were in awe. They had never been together the one was raised by their parents and the other by the family that she was mistakenly given to at the hospital and met 43 years later.
My thoughts on why there are families that have children so different from what they were raised to be…ancestors…we do not always know when the way someone was back in our past shows up in our children but it does. I truly believe “we are who we are” period and most of what we will be like as adults is already in us when we are born. What do you think?